A Distress Line Call Is Like A Wedding

[I worked on a crisis line for over twelve years. The next couple of posts are about a few things I've learned from that experience --db]

A Distress Line call is like a wedding.

Every wedding is different. There are small, simple weddings and elaborate ones. There are traditional church weddings and casual backyard barbecues. Some run smoothly and some are complete messes.

It’s sometimes helpful to think of a Distress Line call as a wedding. Just like a wedding some things absolutely need to be there. Some things are optional but if you have them they add a lot to make that Special Day even more special. Some things are the guests that you don’t really want to invite but they have to be there because not inviting them would cause more headaches down the road (I’m looking at you, Risk Assessments)

Learning to be a Distress Line Listener is learning to become a Wedding Planner. We explore what Listeners want, what they need, and we use our skills to customize something that works to the best of our ability.

And like a wedding planner, we have no control of how things turn out ten years, ten months, ten weeks, ten days, or even ten minutes down the road. We do our job to the best of our ability and let the rest go.

Something else struck me.

But a wedding isn’t a marriage.

A marriage is more subtle. You can have a bare-bones wedding and still have a fantastic marriage. You can have the most beautiful wedding in the world and the marriage can still be lacking something.

In some ways, a Distress Line call is a wedding AND a marriage. The wedding is the technical elements of the call: the risk assessments, the info skills, the following of procedure. Those things make a difference.

After all, everyone wants a good wedding. Everyone wants their special day to be…well, special.

At heart though, a Distress Line call is deeper than those pieces. At it’s core, a Distress Line call is a marriage, the union of GEENAand IPP. GEENA are the five qualities we try to bring to each call: genunine, empathy, empowering, non-judgemental, and assertive). IPP is an acronym about how we focus the call (Immediacy, personalize, prioritize). The better we can bring those qualities together with that focus, the better your calls will be.

And like a marriage, working with GEENA and IPP is a constant process.

The better your marriage though, the better your calls will be. Once you become comfortable with the pieces that go into a Distress Line call--the listening skills, the procedures and policies, knowing where everything is--it frees you up to start working on GEENA and IPP

We can work on these skills away from the lines. Every moment is a chance to work on getting better at recognizing the answers to questions: What makes this moment unique? What is the most important thing going on right now?

Each day we can move towards becoming more authentic and empathetic. We keep learning to set boundaries. We become less controlling and judgmental.

We learn to be better partners.

And through that we start to not just make a difference, but be a difference, on the lines and in our own lives.